I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
