We're like a lot better than the average bears
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And then he peed in my hair
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