You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
