Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
