He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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