Your face is a jimmy john
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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