i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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