Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My vagina is very pro this idea
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize