guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize