so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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