4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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