It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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