Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
