Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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