u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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