I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
50% drunk capacity currently
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
