Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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