I think I died a long time ago.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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