Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
