youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
