yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
