Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
