So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You know, be my cock's hype man.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
