i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
