I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
