He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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