Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
