In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
