I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
