i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
so much tequila, so little girl.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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