i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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