i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
