You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
