i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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