Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
