Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
