How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
