His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
