I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
