You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize