actually, I'm a sock model
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
