when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
