Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
