Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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