I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is it penis luge time yet?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
