ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
