I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
