Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
