It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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