just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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