Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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