if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
