I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
