I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize