I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
