i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
