She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
