shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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