At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's official drugs can't kill me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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