I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize