i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
