I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
