so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
