There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
