just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize